Shalom Task Force - Promoting Peaceful Relations & Healthy Marriages

Shalom Task Force Expands Seminary Programs

Yeshivah day school graduates studying in Israel for the year are facing many challenges and opportunities: thinking about college or a second year in seminary, or choosing the right career path. But these choices pale next to the critical task of finding or choosing the right spouse. They are starting to think about how to build a binyan adey ad- a true and everlasting edifice that will last a lifetime.

Shalom Task Force – a leader in the field of relationship education - has developed a dynamic, successful program of preventive education; aimed to help our children recognize the warning signs of unhealthy and possibly abusive relationships, to develop anger management and communication skills and ultimately, to increase the number of happy and healthy Jewish marriages.

For over 15 years, Shalom Task Force communication programs have been an outstanding success. A cadre of trained women advocates brings these relationship programs into high schools and seminaries in the USA and Israel. Professional conferences have been held to train rabbis, kallah teachers, dorm counselors, and school principals, in Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Montreal, Detroit, New Jersey, and NY.

This year, a team of four women left for their tenth annual trip to Israel, during which they presented the Shalom Task Force workshop in over a dozen seminaries. They will also met with madrichot, rabbeim, administrators, teachers, and shaddchanim. Welcoming the chance to explore the issues on everyone’s mind, the girls were full of questions and concerns. They asked: “what are the elements of a healthy relationship? How can we recognize when something doesn’t feel right? What are the warning signs of domestic abuse?” According to Leah, a Shalom Task Force presenter, “we stress the need for the girls to be honest with themselves about what they’re looking for, feeling and seeing. We also emphasize, that when something doesn’t feel right, they should go to a trusted mentor for help. It’s not as simple as just giving a checklist of warning signs; every situation and person is unique.”

The Shalom Task Force receives many hotline calls from concerned family and friends of young women being treated disrespectfully by a date. Leah feels that “while others can see it clearly, the young woman often can’t or won’t. They implore, ‘How can we convince her not to allow herself to be treated this way?’ Of course, once she is emotionally involved, it’s much harder- that’s why we try to educate young men and women BEFORE they begin dating.”

The “shidduch crisis” also creates extra pressure for these young women. For many young women, the thought of being single is more frightening than the thought of being in a bad marriage. “The girls know what it’s like to be single, while they don’t know what it means to be in a bad marriage. Many rationalize trouble signs, thinking, ‘I’ll change him after we’re married, at least I’ll have a husband.’ They are thinking about their single sister or cousin who is 28 or 48. This is a hot topic every time we give a presentation. We stress emphatically– every time you are uncomfortable, it doesn’t mean there is abuse. It could very well mean that you and the young man just need to learn to communicate better, and he’ll be a wonderful, supportive husband. Imagine the shy, 22 year old young man who has little experience with women and dating. He may make some mistakes that could be misinterpreted as hostility, while in truth, what his date is seeing is just naiveté. With coaching and maturity, he may turn into a wonderful husband.”

Rachel, who has presented the workshop in Israel for over five years, is passionate about the great need for the development of these skills, before dating begins. She asks the girls, “Did you ever have a dress made for a simcha? How much time did it take? You spent hours looking through every magazine; then you brought your best friend and mother to make sure the dress was perfect. When you are dating, please put at least as much energy into making sure that you are making the right choice.”

Esther sums up the vision of the workshops. “Everyone wants to be happily married. It is a natural human need and a mitzvah most critical for happiness and to build future Jewish generations. But needing and wanting a good marriage is not enough. We have to teach our young people the skills needed to achieve this goal, so they can raise their families in homes full of peace and happiness.”

Shalom Task Force’s mission is clear. “We don’t tell anyone what to do in any given relationship or situation. We give them information and tools so that they can make educated decisions and have the maximum chance for success.”

For more information about Shalom Task Force programs call 212-742-1478 or visit www.shalomtaskforce.org. The hotline can be reached at 718-337-3700.