Shalom Task Force - Promoting Peaceful Relations & Healthy Marriages

Shalom Task Force – Answering the Call of Domestic Abuse

Three out of four Americans know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic abuse, according to the Allstate Foundation National Poll on Domestic Violence. While it impacts many, few discuss the issue.

One organization, Shalom Task Force, has been responding to the domestic abuse in the Jewish community since 1992. Shalom Task Force maintains a Hotline and offers extensive preventive educational programs to youth, singles and engaged couples.

For the last sixteen years, thousands of Jewish women, most Orthodox, (but the hotline will help any woman who calls), have summoned up the courage to reach out to the hotline for help, relying on promises of anonymity and privacy which are always kept. The callers could be Sarah* who has been enduring physical violence from her husband for over ten years. If Sarah is typical of an Orthodox Jewish wife, she will suffer from physical beatings from her husband seven years longer than a domestic violence victim who is not Orthodox, because she is so terrified of the embarrassment and negative consequences to her children if it were to become public knowledge that her husband is abusive. She is finally gathering the courage to file for a divorce, and she calls the hotline as her first, courageous step toward freedom from abuse.

The caller could be Esther, who is distraught because she believes that her married daughter is suffering from a controlling, critical husband, and Esther wonders what she can, and should, do for her daughter. Or, the caller could be Joanne, a young girl in her twenties, engaged to be married in just one month, who broke out in a cold sweat this past weekend when she saw her chassan (fiancé) speak to a family member in a cold, hostile way. Is this a red flag she should be paying attention to? Is he really the mensch everyone said he is? She’s been uneasy for a while now, as she’s seen this darker side of his personality emerge more often than she’d like. How can she break off the engagement, with the wedding gown already ordered and tailored just for her? And if she does, will she ever get married?

A highly trained group of orthodox volunteer advocates have been trained to answer these calls on their domestic abuse hotline. When a victim calls, the volunteers opens their hearts and focus all of their attention on the woman and her concerns, and long after that woman has hung up the phone, the volunteers are thinking about her and praying for her safety. It’s not unusual for a volunteer to have a sleepless night after taking a shift, as she lays awake hoping that Susan* or Penny* or Leah* will be able to extricate themselves from an abusive situation.

Incredibly, 70 percent of the core staff of 15 volunteers who trained in 1992 when the hotline began are still volunteering on the hotline. Today, 65 women answer calls on the hotline that operates out of several locations throughout the five boroughs, with expanded hours.

The increase in staff and locations has been necessary to respond to an estimated 1000 hotline calls received each year. Many of these calls are in response to a domestic violence situation. Additionally, the hotline provides referrals and a listening ear for such personal and family concerns as substance abuse, gambling, bereavement, hospice care, eating disorders, kids at risk, infertility and adoption, marriage and family therapy, and social services, like housing, food stamps, relocation, clothing, furniture, and employment assistance.

Nancy*, a dedicated volunteer, shares her experience on the hotline: “One of my first calls was a woman who called me Monday morning at 9:02, right after we opened. It was clear she was waiting until we opened. She said: “I just want you to know that Hashem blessed me with seven children. Last night, Baruch Hashem, was the last sheva bracha for my youngest child. I have been married 35 years, my life has been a living hell and I have to get out of my marriage.” Nancy, the volunteer, continues: “Many times the phone will ring and all I’ll hear is sniffling. I’ll say, ‘I’m here for you, I care about you. I’ll hold on for as long as you need.” The woman will start sobbing because someone cares about her. I have listened to women cry for ten minutes before they start talking”.

Beth* is the name that the anonymous victim used when she called the hotline one Tuesday morning, after her husband had left for work and her children were safely at school. She had been summoning the courage to make this call for at least three years. Her hands trembling, her mouth as dry as the Sahara, she practically whispered the words: “I need to leave my husband. I have no money. We have five children. I can’t continue like this any longer. Can you help me?”

Beth called the right place. Shalom Task Force is here to help.

For more information call our hotline at 1-888-883-8383 or 718-337-3700 or visit online at www.shalomtaskforce.org.